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The Art of Detox

Hi.  I can tell you right now you are super glad you didn’t have an appointment with me for the past four days.

Let me back up.  I decided that I had become a slave to sugar and wheat and dairy.  Literally a slave.  They were in my thoughts constantly and I was eating them with a regularity that made me very nervous.

I was beginning to look like a pastry.  I was dreaming of caramel.  I was buying those buckets of crap at Trader Joe’s where before I would walk on by without even noticing.

And then I started to talking to Tom Malterre.  He is a world class nutritionist and he basically slipped some sense into me…and I could no longer look that block of cheese in the face the same way.  Oh I wanted to devour it whole….but there was a voice inside telling me no.

I won’t get into all I talked about with Tom…because that’s not what this post is about.

What I do want to talk about is Detox.  There is an Art.  It’s going to suck, but….there is an art.

Quitting sugar, wheat, gluten, dairy…really quitting…feels a lot like getting sober or quitting smoking.


And it’s not easy.  And it takes preparation.  And it takes a commitment to yourself…because that is the only person who is going to keep that doughnut of your mouth. Or Apple Pie.  Or whatever your particular weakness is…corn chips…oh i could go for a…..


And what I want to talk about today, should you at any point in your life go on a strict diet, or elimination diet (which is Tom’s next book…and it looks AMAZING!) is what is going to happen to you when you strip these substances from your body?

You need at least 4 days.  It could be 2, it could be 2 months…everyone is different.

You need to exercise even if you’re tired.  Just a ten minute walk will do wonders!

You need to nap when you are really really tired.

You need to take at least two baths a day with Epsom salts and essential oils if you’ve got ’em.

You need to know you ARE GOING TO HAVE A HEADACHE.  Aspirin won’t help, so don’t bother.  Just know, around day 4 it should start feeling better.

You may find that caffeine begins to make you tired instead of waking you up.  (I am sorry about this one.  I have had to switch to decaf green tea.)

You will be moody.  And it will sneak up on you.  And you may not feel like apologizing right away.  (Totally normal…so maybe just alert anyone you talk to regularly that you may be kind of a bear for a few days and pre-apologize.)

Spacing out on Netflix is a great solution when you want to shove your face full of fries.

Sitting in meditation may seem like a good idea…but in my case….it just made donuts dance in front of my face.  I skipped my meditation practice for a few days until the cravings died down.  If you aren’t a visual meditator however, this might be a GREAT way to come into your body.

If you are doing hard core Paleo…PLEASE REMEMBER you can eat Sweet Potatoes in moderation so you don’t feel like you are swimming through goo when you try to think or move.  Your body actually does need SOME carbs…and that’s the carb that keeps you on the straight and narrow.

I have heard receiving body work is a GREAT way to move the toxins through.  I didn’t think of that until after I was over the worst of it.  Your welcome.

Some dandelion or detox tea is a great idea for helping to flush the demons and get back to your normal loving self.

Jokes.  Jokes are always a good idea.

DON’T obsessively weigh yourself.  Also, don’t obsessively try to see if your “Wheat Belly” is gone.  It’s not.  There is a road back to a different kind of health and body once you are through the detox part of your diet. But don’t worry…you will have the energy for it…and you will love using your body again!

Finally….I don’t care what diet you’re on, you may want to consider being totally and completely dedicated and strict for ONE FULL MONTH.  I know on the Paleo you can “cheat” one day a week…but I think cheating needs to happen once all the detox is complete…and that can take up to a month…longer in those who are really unhealthy to start with.

I know that I am going to stay away from Gluten.  I’m gonna get that horrible gluten free pizza dough and make my own so there is no sugar in the sauce and the veggies are organic, as is the meat….and that is going to be my month reward.  I’m going to try really really hard to not eat cheese more than once a month…lord I’m going to try.  But my first pizza is going to be pesto…and if I can find a vegan recipe that’s killer…I will use it!

But I think I’m off the white devil for good.  The amount of agony I went through for that four days…the cravings….that is not OK.  Sugar is evil…and I’m starting to really get that. I hear from those who are sugar free then when it’s really out of your system, when you taste it it’s so STRONG that you don’t want it.  I find that impossible on day 5….but I’m willing to hold out judgement for a few months!

So I am on day 5.  I have a little headache…but it also might be that I’ve been wearing  a winter hat all day.  I have moderate energy.  I am sleeping like the dead (one of my symptoms was insomnia…since day 2 I’ve been sleeping deeply through the night.)  My body pain is lessening even though I have been less active than normal (due to energy constraints.)  I am not craving anything but enjoying immensely my food which is phenomenal because I’m cooking everything myself and I’m a great cook!

If you want info on why this is a good idea, I recommend Tom’s cookbooks and the huge information database on his website.  Both are loaded with TONS of info.  Or if you are in Bellingham get an appointment…he’s a helluva guy and loaded with information that will change your world!

And for those of you who I told to stay away from me…I’m all better now. We can play again.

Please feel free to share this with anyone you know who is about to or is currently in some state of Detox.  This is what worked for me….so maybe it will help them!

Viva Sweet Potato!