I was having tea with a friend yesterday and suggested that she write a free write about what it would feel like to be part of the fabric of everything. She looked at me and said, I think you should.
Then we had a stare down.
But I thought about it all day.
Her immediate reaction was to say it would be just as she is now. But I wish I could say the same. There are so many ways in my life that I would shift if I REALLY believed (at all times) that I was part of the fabric of everything.
Let’s look at a few of the main “offenders” as I shall affectionately call them.
Holy hell I am not evolved sometimes in a car.
I get in a car and all of a sudden it seems the objective is to get “there.” And my inner Steve McQueen comes out and I’m like a bat out of hell to get there. And it’s unconscious. This burning need to “get there” and velocity with which I do. And here’s the worse part…if you are in my way…you are against me.
My little passive aggressive…and if I’m being honest flat out aggressive moves to pass, or get folks out of the fast lane is not in line with the lady who sits in meditation every day. The healer of the people.
And yet…I forgot that connection…draw amnesia to it and floor it. Get you out of my way if you’re in it.
If I’m speeding perfectly and get there 5 minutes faster…then what? Seriously…then what?
Sometimes I think it’s because I don’t like being in cars. When I’m on a bus I’m fine. But I haven’t really unearthed the absolute truth (what is truth) yet.
I could rail on myself about this one all day…but there are also the times I let folks in when others won’t. I have my moments….like we all do.
I spent the majority of my first 30 years in it. And the rest of my time safeguarding against it.
And after hours and months and years of looking at it, I have my own personal brand and having deeply explored many of your layers as well…I have decided that it is a very selfish and closed off place. It’s only about me. About my unhappiness. About what I’m not getting.
And yes, that makes us sad.
But if we are all interconnected in this fabric of everything….there would be a place I could more easily grab energy to boost myself. Right? And I have learned my mind and heart tricks to do just that…but I sure do remember when I didn’t have those techniques in place. Them where dark times friends.
And if you even look at the way I introduced this section…the rest of my time safeguarding against it…there should be nothing to hide from…because being a part of the everything would fill up my soul and spread seeds of happiness from ear to shining ear. Right?
Clearly I have more work to do.
How many times have not given my partner the benefit of the doubt?
How many times have I thought the absolute worst about this man that I am head over heels in love with?
How many times have I blamed him before hearing him out? And even after, holding onto these judgements…useless beyond belief.
I’ll tell you why. To keep myself separate and distinct.
Because under it all there is an old pattern that tells me that I’m alone. That if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.
Because I had to figure this all out piece by piece, lesson by lesson….and there was some collateral damage along the way.
Do you feel it? You do your meditation. And your yoga. And your breathing. You get your organic food and don’t watch the news. You garden and volunteer for arts organizations. Help the kids. Exercise. Talk to strangers with openness and kindness.
And yet under that there is still this old pattern running. Maybe not even from this lifetime. And maybe it says to run. Maybe it says to not trust anyone. Maybe it says you are unlovable. Maybe it says your are invisible.
Maybe you hear it and can soothe it and bring it into your new found freedom in the fabric of everything. Or maybe, just maybe it hooks you. And though you breathe and bend and smile it’s still there keeping check on every thought.
And then I ask you…what does it look like to be part of the fabric of everything?
Does it look like truth?
Does it look like light?
Or does it look like shadow?
Does it look like how much more you still have to let go?
My thoughts on this have changed 20 times since it came out of my mouth yesterday morning. And I had no idea what would come out of my fingers this morning.
Seems like a good exercise after all.
Try it: What does your life look like if you are part of the fabric of everything?
And remember…if you can find that place that knows…that you truly truly are….that we are all connected as one and the rest is just a way for us each to experience our own unique story. I mean…who doesn’t love a great story, right? And if you need help remembering…I have got some healing mojo that can remind you just how special and connected you are.
Sweet…sweet….thoughts my friends….wishing you sweet thoughts!