I’ll tell you my story and maybe it’ll fire you into your story.
I was a runner. I loved it. I let it define me. Why? Because I had never really been active in my life, and at 38–found myself craving it. Being active I mean. More then walking greenlake, I wanted to run it. And then I wanted to run further and further and further.
And when I hit 8 miles, I broke. “Everyone’s not supposed to be a distance runner,” more then one person informed me. But my foot just gave. And without all the bones in your feet holding together the idea of teamwork is kinda lost.
So this momentum I had finally created came to a screeching halt. You can’t even walk around the lake when you can’t put pressure on your foot. And every time I thought I was healed I would go out for a little run and end up back where I started, until I stopped trying.
And then 3 months later, a cyst on my ovary ruptured in a most dramatic way…leaving me with pain for over 6 months–that extended from my pelvic cavity back to lower back. Yoga, my oldest friend, was not even accessible to me.
I tell you this to set the magic up for you. Don’t cry for me Argentina. (Did you just sing that?) I tell you this because in that six months waiting for the pain in my lower abdomen and back to heal, something in me gave up. I stopped fighting.
Did I sit with the pain and try to incorporate it into my life instead of dreading it. You bet! Did I breathe into and hope it would go away. You know it! Did I try acupuncture and Chinese Herbs? Of course I did. Did I dig to find the emotions that created the imbalance and work to right them? C’mon…who are you talking to? But did I REALLY sit and listen to what my BODY needed?
So let’s flip to last Friday. It was one of those days that was just perfect. The right temperature. That blue sky that just feeds our soul. Light breeze so you don’t get too warm.
One week before that, I had a friend over and we talked very honestly about our bodies. And our “displeasure” with them. And we both agreed there was some block stopping us from just starting to exercise, which would make us feel a confidence that was missing in our lives.
We talked about how it was easier to dislike the way we looked and felt inside then to do anything about it. The inertia was in favor of the negative loop of thinking and feeling.
So it’s last Friday and that conversation is in my head and Matthew and I are doing yard work when he says, “Let’s make Nachos for dinner, we need to use up that Bison.”
And I said, “No, that won’t help me feel any better about my body.”
And he said, “What would.”
And I said, “If I hiked up Alabama hill. That would.”
“What’s stopping you?” he asked.
And I looked at him. There was no judgement from him. And I had my walking shoes on because I was working in the yard. And before I could discourage myself, I tossed my gardening gloves on the ground and walked out the back gate, taking off for the hill.
This hill is a bitch. It’s like Queen Anne hill for those who live in Seattle. And it’s on a busy street so lots of cars. But the kicker is, when you get to the top of the hill you see water on both sides of you. It’s so beautiful.
I did it. And when i got to the top…I thought my lugs were exploding into my throat. And I didn’t know if I would ever breathe normally again. And I had a HUGE freaking smile on my face because this is how I felt when I first started running. And I remember how quickly it changed degree until it actually felt good!
And I took the view in and then started back down.
And the next day we went on a huge hike in the Chuckanuts that leaves me VERY sore in LOTS of places today. So I switched to some intense gardening to round out the pain into my forearms and hands…and I can with absolute certainty say that I flipped the switch.
The moment I didn’t let my critical mind make excuses about how I need to change into shorts, or put on a sports bra, or hydrate first and then I’d have to pee….I just freaking left. Acted from my true source that has been (if I’m honest) giving me guidance for the last four months to get out and exercise….
And how does my back feel? Like a teenager! Seriously. My neck feels more relaxed. My pain is that wonderful I worked my body hard and it’s taking it in and making it a part of me pain. And I have a plan.
If I’m not doing anything else where I get my heart rate up 6 days a week, up Alabama hill I go! No excuses. And since I’m now listening to my body again, it will just happen. I didn’t have to force myself to run every morning, and I won’t have to force myself now. The flip is real folks. It’s an authentic listening that can’t be ignored…if you are paying attention.
I don’t know what you need to do to flip yours, but I can say from the other side I’m wishing I had figured this out months ago. But then again, I wouldn’t have had the experience to tell you about my AhHa so potentially you can have yours! That’s one way to look at it, right?
I hope this helps….and I wish I could share with you how beautiful I feel from the inside out, even though my body hasn’t changed one little bit. It turns out my feelings about my body weren’t even about my body, they were just feelings of disappointment for not USING by body.
Listen, if you are reading this still….would you mind dropping me an email, or commenting on fb…or here (though I know they make you run through a bunch of steps to leave comments on the blog) I have no idea if anyone reads these or if I’m just saving paper by journaling online.
Inquiring minds would love to know.
Well, my mind anyway.
Happy beautiful day to you….and good luck flipping your switch!